Should or Could?

This journaling exercises is from the book, "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise L. Hay. It is a really excellent book - I would recommend it to just about anyone. You can find this book, and others like it at www.hayhouse.com

In the book, Louise talks about changing your thought patterns from negative to positive in order to actually heal physical ailments, depression, anxiety, etc. In chapter two she discusses how we all have negative thought patterns - some are obvious but there are some that we aren't even aware of!! She says that the word "Should" is a very damaging word and ought to be removed from the dictionary! Confused? Try this exercise and you'll see.....

1) Write down a list of things that you feel you Should do, Should feel, etc....

I SHOULD
....
....
....
(For example; I Should be happy. I should have a clean house. I should lose weight. I should have a better job)

2) Look at your list. Now ask yourself WHY??

Why Should I?
...
...
...
(Why Should I be Happy? Why Should I have a clean house? Why Should I lose weight? Why should I have a better job?)

What are your answers? These answers can reveal the sources of some of your negative thought patterns or false beliefs about your life. ( "Because I should be perfect. Because my parents / others say I should. Because everybody else does. Because I'm too ugly, too fat, too lazy, too worthless, etc.....)
Don't judge your answers and don't spend too long thinking of them - just write down the first thing that comes to your mind, be honest with yourself.

excerpt from the book;
"You see, I believe that "should" is one of the most damaging words in our language. Every time we use the word should, we are in effect, saying "Wrong". Either we are wrong or we were wrong or we are going to be wrong. I don't think we need more wrongs in our life. We need to have more freedom of choice. I would like to take the word should and remove it from the vocabulary forever. I'd replace it with the word could. Could gives us choice, and we are never wrong."

3) Re-Write your first list, this time instead of saying "I Should", you are going to say "If I really wanted to, I could..."

If I really wanted to I could...
...
...
...
( If I really wanted to I could be happy. If I really wanted to I could have a clean house. If I really wanted to I could lose weight. If I really wanted to, I could have a better job.)

Wow! Just wording it differently creates a whole different feeling, doesn't it? Rather than those feelings of guilt and doubt, it creates a feeling of hope!

4) Next, instead of asking yourself "Why Should I?", ask yourself "Why Haven't I?"

Why Haven't I?
....
....
....
This can reveal much more about your list. Your answers will be a bit different than the first time. (They may be something like this... "I am afraid. I don't know how. I don't really want to. I'm not good enough / I don't deserve it. ")

from the book; "We often find that we have been berating ourselves for years over something we never really wanted to do in the first place. Often it was just something that someone else (or society) said that you "should" do. When you can see that, you can drop it from your "Should List" - what a relief that is!!"

For the things that YOU truly want to do or change, now you can work on changing your thought pattern from "I Should" to "I could", and you can work on healing or understanding the reasons why you haven't done it yet (Fear, self-doubt, lacking confidence, etc. ) In the end, it all boils down to Loving Yourself.

Try this affirmation on for size "I Love myself, and I CAN achieve my goals!"

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If you post the results to this exercise in your blog or website, be sure to post a link back to
http://journalyourselfawake.blogspot.com !!
Come back and leave a comment with a link to your site!